Big Talk Radio
by The Man They Call The Truth
Summary: Multiple universes come together to make an amazing radio. This will be multi chapter. Also will NOT be limited to games so if anyone has any suggestions for chapters please do not hesitate to tell me. Also futanari ahead.
1. Planet Wide Panic

**Truth is the most random things pop in my head and I can't help but write it out. So everyone enjoy the first chapter of** **Big Talk Radio.**

Announcer: "Coming to you live from the Breadbox it's Big Talk Radio! Hello everybody I'm Don Poier and we a have great show for you today. Now to kick things off it's the most mind numbing thing since a concussion. Planet Wide Panic!"

Dan: "This week on Planet Wide Panic- Marshall Law, one man's triumphant return to catering! The Williams Octuplets-a Canadian woman says she's slept with them all! Plus-noise, speed, danger, cursing, and police brutality, finally come together this weekend, at the Palmont City Motor Club. Hello from Hong Kong, you're on Planet Wide Panic with me, Dan Hibiki, bringing you everything that is important in culture and entertainment around the world, if there is a difference between the two. Live from one of Earth's biggest tourist traps in beautiful Hong Kong, China. You're with me, Dan The Man.

We have a big show for you this week. Controversy loves company! Anyway, today, we've got some great guests. First up, we speak to up and coming action movie hero Cassie Cage. Then we have a live phone link-up with a very special guest, a modern-day Jesus, a man back from the grave now making a living as an extra on the silver screen. Then, I will explain greatness of Saikyo Style and why you learn it today! But first up I, Dan Hibiki, meet entertainers in the news! Now for my first guest Cassie Cage, her father was once the biggest star in America, but the past three years have been all too cruel! People describe her father as a has-been, an action hero relic from the nineties, a muscle-bound idiot, and my favorite, the most mysogonistic pig in the Earthrealm. Cassie, welcome to the show!"

Cassie: "Ha ha ha, glad to be here Dan, it's a pleasure."

Dan: "So Cassie-"

Cassie: "Please, call me Big Cass."

Dan: Ok Big Cass, your dad's movies 'Rebirth' and 'Legacy' got Earthrealm through some turbulent times, and I was also a huge fan of 'Annihilator.'

Cassie: "Thank you, thank you."

Dan: "But now he wants to take a step back to start directing and is having you star in his newest project but many say that his new film has gone too far."

Cassie: "No, this is a romantic comedy, with drama, it's got action, and it's got heart, that's what's most important, I think."

Dan: "OK, let's take hear the trailer."

Cassie: "Alright, let's roll that!"

*Movie trailer start*

 _Narrator :_ _"In a world where feminists invade the Gulf of Mexico to erase all of masculinity one well hung woman refuses to stand for it any longer."_

 _Feminists: "Sisterhood is powerful, join us now!"_

 _Random Man: "It's the fall of man as we know it!"_

 _Narrator: "But she did not come alone in this endeavor. There were other kindred spirit who saw through the feminine uprising as a cry for attention."_

 _General: "Cass you can't fight this many angry women alone. We're giving you a partner who has experience in hostile environments."_

 _Cassie: "Excellent, who did you get?"_

 _Sektor: "Yo!"_

 _Cassie: "You were a thorn in my mother's side! How can I trust you?"_

 _Sektor: "My past near death experiences have prepared me for this. This will be legit."_

 _General: Cass you are Earthrealm's last hope. Tell us what you need and you will have it!"_

 _Cassie: "Gonna need a gallon of Old English, and a gas mask cuz these women's nether regions most likely will smell like New Jersey."_

 _Narrator: "This summer, one well hung women and one cybernetic ninja will defy all odds."_

 _Cassie: "I get knocked down and back up again, you're never gonna keep me down!"_

 _Feminists: "Who are they?!"_

 _Cassie: "This ends now you filthy, dirty, disgusting, brutal, bottom feeding, trash bag, hoes!"_

 _Feminist Leader: "It will never end, it will never stop!"_

 _Sektor: "You're misguided protest shall fade away and be classified as OBSOLETE!"_

 _Narrator: "Things looked to be going their way. Until the flood gates for anarchy and fornication bursted open!"_

 _Feminist Leader: "I don't consent to this!"_

 _Cassie: "I don't care!"_ _Feminist Leader: "You splitting my pussy apart! I love it!"_

 _General: "What's going on here? Cass what are you doing?!"_

 _Cassie: "Kick rocks I'm handling some business! Unless you want to be next!"_

 _Narrator: "Cassie Cage is Big Cass in Opposite Ends of the World. Rated R coming to theater near you."_*Trailer Ends*

Dan: "Wow! That's horrendous! And people wonder why our studios get surrounded by protestors!"

Cassie: "Come on! How could _anyone_ honestly find that offensive?"

Dan: "Are you serious Cassie, it's appalling. Your insensitive portrayal of fighting gender equality truly makes me sick. Also considering your father directed this and he has the idea of calling someone slow witted is quite frankly, very laughable."

Cassie: "Hold on a sec, drugs are a problem throughout the universe and I fight them by any means necessary."

Dan: "Very true, but you use drugs-"

Cassie: "Wrong, I'd shoot my cock off before I use drugs. I use steroids, and some recreational angel dust. But I got the bread for it! You know, I got the paper!"

Dan: "Yeah about that. Don't you think you're out of touch just a bit?"

Cassie: "Whoa whoa hold up, sure my family is rich and I work in the Special Forces, OK? I'm not out of touch. Action, weight-lifting, and screwing like rabbits in heat! That never goes out of style, Danny. Take for example my last film, 'Superhuman' about a wrestler whose dropped into Moscow and, I save the the country by face fucking the bad girls. That's a inspirational picture! That's love face fucking! That kind of stuff _never_ goes out of style!"

Dan: "You might be on to something but people are more sensitive now..."

Cassie: "I was effected, alright, when Ricky, got killed in 'Boyz In The Hood'. I mean, I thought it was time to do something, a film that made a difference!"

Dan: "Yeah yeah, but Ricky was a character, 'Boyz In The Hood' was a movie."

Cassie: "Exactly! I was there too! And I should have killed them all! Don't piss me off Danny boy, I'll give you a war you won't believe! I see the look in your eye, right here, right now!"

Dan: "OK, n-now, Cass, all I'm saying is, you teaming up with a cyborg and raping an innocent feminist to fight gender equality, is somewhat insensitive."

Cassie: "No is ever innocent in by book. Ya hear me! Guilty until proven innocent! If the Dallas Cowboys rolled down the street right now, what are you gonna do?"

Dan: "The Cowboys lost, it's all over. You can celebrate."

Cassie: "I'll shoot that sorry excuse for a football team with this! The family killer!" *pulls out a gun*

Dan: "Cass, Cass, put that away, please."

Cassie: "Oh what this? *grabs her member*"

Dan: "No the gun. Please there's no need for that."

Cassie: "Grow a pair will you? It's just a desert eagle! Come on! It's not that serious! But noooo you're Dan Hibiki right?! The king of Saikyo Style! I'm on to you! Who put you up to this, Dragunov!?"

Dan: "No! No! Not at all! You should calm down."

Cassie: "I heard all shit you were talking about me! You were running off at the mouth saying how steroids shrank my genitals!"

Dan: "No!"

Cassie: "No! You said it! You're not making a fool out of me!" *Points the gun at Dan's forehead*

Dan: "No! No! Put the gun down."

Cassie: "My balls?!"

Dan: "I'm sure you have huge ones."

Cassie: "Damn straight!"

Dan: "Please stop!"

Cassie: "Come on, they haven't shrunk, touch 'em!"

Dan: "N-no!"

Cassie: "Feel them!"

Dan: "No!"

Cassie: "Come on, sniff them!"

Dan: "No!"

Cassie: "Do something!"

Dan: "No!"

Cassie: "Touch 'em-touch 'em or die! They're still big!"

Dan: "Oh...God *Grabs Cassie's shaft* Ok they're huge Cass."

Cassie: "That's right!"

Dan: *squeezes harder*

Cassie: "Easy, hey, don't grab them like that, Elder Gods, I was kidding. What are you, a boyfriend of mine or something?" *begins laughing*

Dan: "You me terrified for a minute there, I think I crapped myself."

Cassie: "Ease back, it's not even loaded."

*Cassie accidentally pulls the trigger and shoots Dan in the head*

Cassie: "Oh!...Oh, Dan!...Oh, shit! Damn my bad, well I guess it was loaded. OK Dan stop messing around, get up boy!"

Dan: *No Response*

Cass: "Get up, come on! Damn it! His brain is leaking! Help! Oh, there's only one thing to do-I gotta defend Earthrealm! No time to cry, only time to die! *three gunshots* Welcome to the Netherrealm, bitches! *shots fired rapidly, glass breaking* How you doin'!"

*The show is cut off air*

Don Poier: "That was Planet Wide Panic, and now a word from our sponsors."

 **More chapters are on the way and if you have any suggestions let me know.**


	2. The Tight End Zone

**Truth is we gotta keep going and we can't stop. Everyone enjoy this.**

Announcer: Our sponsors have some pretty boring commercials but without them we wouldn't be here. Good evening everybody I'm Don Poier and welcome back to Big Talk Radio for our next segment we go down to her personal dojo for The Tight End Zone hosted by Mai Shiranui!

* * *

Kasumi: "Do you like it when I dance for you?"

Mai: "Absolutely. Now I want to see your best moves."

Kasumi: "Oooh this? Or how about this?"

Mai: "That's right baby work that ass for me! God your getting me so- wait are we on the air?!"

A thud is heard as Mai falls out of her chair stumbling to get ready. Kasumi scrambles to compose herself and lots of movement is heard as Mai grabs the mic.

Mai: "Just give me a sec and play the intro!"

Intro Plays*

Mai: "To all my nymphos, sluts, whores, and flat out pervs welcome to The Tight Endzone I'm your host Mai Shiranui along side my co host Kasumi. Tonight we have a great show for you. First I reveal my exploits from the past weeks from my shifts in Mileena's Lounge then having a long, _hard_ night with Morrigan Aensland. Finally we have a sit down with my very tight guest Ling Xiaoyu when reveals how she's so irresistible to the point where people can't help but gawk at her."

Mai: "Now as you all know when I'm not kicking your ass I'm making you melt like a snowman on a hot day down in Mileena's Lounge and I couldn't think of a better place than the Netherrealm to have a strip club. With all the killers, addicts, and fiends out there you think they'd have a place for the horny bunch that is trying to fuck and have a good time. That's where Mileena saw opportunity and The Lounge was made. Now I just work there part time teasing people to end and the things I can make people do is amazing yet when you keep in mind that I just serve drinks. Now I'm not a dancer just yet but with how much tips I get you'd think I was. But hey when I get these huge, luscious orbs up in your face you would want me too."

Kasumi: "You should think about performing one of these days. I think you'd be a big hit!"

Mai: "You might be right, but let's be realistic the second I hit the stage patrons would be cumming before I even get naked."

Kasumi: "It's still well worth it. Why I remember when Ayane and I had a live sex show one night. I tell you at first she was kicking and screaming when I wanted her to do this with me. She kept complaining saying we exposing ourselves to the public but come on we were at a strip club so that should of been the least of her worries. But she wouldn't stop resisting so I planted a long one on her. Then I ripped her clothes off because I was wet already and Mileena and the DJ wouldn't stop droning on and on. Afterwards she was more than ready to go and ohhh just the thought of what we did out there is getting me hot!"

Mai: "Man! Sometimes I wish I did some of the stuff you did that night."

Kasumi: "You did! Don't you remember? After our shift you told me you were going to hang out with that succubus!"

Mai: "Really, when?"

Kasumi: "A few months ago, see it was closing time when she saw you bent over and she came up and started groping your ass."

Mai: "Oh man I remember that now! She brought that sexy cat of hers that night. The average person would get mad if someone did that to them but when you look _and_ dress like me then you should expect it. So then we started talking for a bit then went to the Cutthroat Casino. True enough we had some of the worst luck at that place. She forgot her to bring some money of her own so we were gambling with my money the whole time!"

Kasumi: "That's too bad..."

Mai: "I'll say! We couldn't a win damn thing! I lost an entire years salary that night! But if you count how much alcohol we drank I'd say we were all about even. Morrigan made sure that Felicia didn't drink because _someone_ had to be mentally coherent to get us home."

Kasumi: "Sounds like an interesting night."

Mai: "Believe me the fun was only starting. First we got to Morrigan's place and the second she locked that door I grabbed her and took her down. Then I had my hands roaming all over that woman and it's funny because she's a succubus but she couldn't keep her hands off me! And don't get me started on the extra stuff Felicia did because wow I don't know if it was just her tail or what but it's like she knew every trick in the book!"

Kasumi: "Amazing! How far did you guys go?"

Knock Knock Knock*

Mai: "I'd tell you but it's looks like our guest is here. Everyone please welcome Ling Xiaoyu!"

Xiaoyu: "Hi! I'm so excited to be here!"

Mai: "I'm just as excited to have you here. How life treating you?"

Xiaoyu: "Wonderful, thank you. I finally realized my dream of having a carnival!"

Mai: "That's interesting, now you've turned into quite the looker I mean our producer is practically drooling over you right now. So tell us, how are you dealing with all of this attention?"

Xiaoyu: "At first it was a little awkward, but now I love it! I mean I use to hear some people say rudest things to me about my body and now those same people can't keep their hands off me."

Mai: "The irony is real. Now you recently were performing at Mileena's Lounge and you also had a live sex show, am I correct?"

Xiaoyu: "Yeah it was so much fun!"

Mai: "I could tell and people were stunned at how good you were at fellatio. Hell even I was taken back a bit!"

Xiaoyu: "Thank you! I owe it all to the Deepthroat Games!"

Mai: "Now that's something. We've been hearing about this game that allegedly has been sweeping the nation and everyone from hell to Houston is playing it. Can you tell us more about this game?"

Xiaoyu: "Sure it really simple. First you gotta find someone with a huge and I mean HUGE member. Then you have to take it in your mouth until you reach the balls and the next might be a little hard but they hold you down to see how long you can hold your breath while on it."

Kasumi: "Sounds challenging."

Xiaoyu: "Yeah then after you let them you are running out of breath they take their shaft out and put it on your face so you can get a breather. After that they grab you usually by your head, lucky enough for me I keep my pigtails in so they can hold on to that and then face fuck you harder than anything you've ever seen!"

Kasumi: "Wow...how loud people usually gag when playing?"

Xiaoyu: "That all depends on if you have the reflex for it. Me I don't I use to practice on a whole bunch of toys all the time that I kept hidden."

Mai: "Really now? And is there a winner in this or is it all in just good fun?"

Xiaoyu: "I'm not too sure but usually treat it like one, and I play to win!"

Kasumi: "And how is a winner decided?"

Xiaoyu: "Easy, take that cock down back down your throat and keep it down then when they cum and swallow as much as you can and whoever swallows the most wins!"

Mai: "Right and you would usually play this with who?"

Xiaoyu: "Miharu, Lili, and Asuka."

Kasumi: "Really you compete against the Kazama?"

Xiaoyu: "Yup! I find it pretty funny because from all the stories Lili told me I thought I would never stand a chance against her but she was her cocky self and wanted to go down on Miharu and so l went for Lili. What she didn't account for was that Miharu hung lower than Lili and hers was thicker too. Made it at lot harder for her and light work for me! Tee hee!"

Mai: "Hmm...judging by the signs you're giving me I'd say you won but you were unsatisfied."

Xiaoyu: "You have no idea. I mean Lili had quite the hardware on her but I wanted more so I convinced Asuka to let them both fuck us."

Kasumi: "And how experienced were you in having your pussy take it because that's a whole different ballpark."

Xiaoyu: "Believe it or not that was actually my first time."

Mai and Kasumi looked at each for second before turning their attention back to Xiaoyu

Kasumi: "You're kidding."

Xiaoyu: "Not at all."

Mai: "But you said Miharu has a shaft."

Xiaoyu: "Right, but all I ever did was suck her off. She never felt that she was ready for anything further until this point."

Mai: "Ok, now if you don't mind would you like to tell us about your first time?"

Xiaoyu: "I would love to! You see Miharu was still shy where as I almost demanded it and since we were both inexperienced Lili and Asuka felt that if I tried to take her it would go on forever so I took on Lili. I wanted to do the work to start so Lili sat back in and I sat on her member. Now let me tell you when I forced it through my barrier, man did it hurt! But the pain was just for like a quick second and after that I got my hips rocking all around that and that had to be the most I ever had at once!"

Kasumi: "That's sexy as all hell! And let me get this right, you did all of the work?"

Xiaoyu: "You better believe it! I wanted to! But even after both me and Lili came so much she proved to be such a lightweight because after hours of screwing she passed out and I still had tons of energy! Asuka was trying to catch her breath because she _clearly_ wasn't able to handle Miharu because she also passed out after that. So then I felt adventurous so I punched Miharu in the face and hoped in onto her and we went at until it was morning."

Mai: "Whew...that had to hottest thing I've eve heard."

Kasumi: "Your telling me."

Xiaoyu: "After that little fiasco Miharu and myself had the hardest time keeping our hands off each other, I mean just a few days ago we got another noise complaint at our apartment that we share!"

Mai: "That's hilarious I wonder if anyone else besides your girlfriend has gotten a crack at that pussy."

Xiaoyu: "Funny you mention that because I was on the floor at the Lounge when she was working the pole and I went backstage to close up she said that I got lucky that night and I'd _never_ be able to handle any shaft that came my way."

Kasumi: "But you lasted longer than her when you had that orgy."

Xiaoyu: "I know! But I love a good challenge so I told her to find _anyone_ out there who thinks they could handle me. Next thing I know she shows up at my place with some built and I mean _built_ up women. There was one that had four arms and next to her was another one who was just as jacked but had two arms and had pigtails like mine but they were blonde and much longer and the kicker was that they were as well hung Miharu was!"

Mai: "Now _that's_ hot! How did it turn out?"

Xiaoyu: "I never take anyone lightly so I had high expectations for them. We went at it longer than Miharu could but of course she's just one person. I was starting to get a little winded but they couldn't handle my pussy because it sucked their meat up like a vacuum. When the smoke settled it was the middle of the next day and they were both sprawled out on the floor fast asleep from exhaustion and I stood over them rubbing my clitoris and licking some cum off of my hands before I went take a shower."

Mai: "You're quite the woman to handle two behemoths like they were nothing. Now you have me wondering if can handle pussy as good as you handle cock."

Xiaoyu: "Well there was this one girl that went to my school that I had some fun with. She had short hair and very nice rack but I kept myself loyal to Miharu then all three of us were in the showers one day and she came on to me. Initially I was gonna turn her down until next thing I knew Miharu goes to her locker and pulls out a vibrator saying that she could use a good show."

Mai: "You know I'd like to see how you handle a _real_ woman, you definitely are something else hell I would give Miharu a medal for being able to keep her hands off you."

Xiaoyu: "Who said she could? I had the hardest time fixing my hair on my way here because we had a wild humping session before I got here."

Mai: "Amazing... but I still doubt if you could handle a real woman. You know one that _actually_ has a body."

Xiaoyu: "Want to find out?"

Mai: "Try me."

Kasumi: "Mai we have a show to run- and you're naked Xiao."

Xiaoyu then pounced on Mai and started they making out

Kasumi: "And that's all the time we have today! Hey wait a sec! Save some for me!"

Loud moans and sex talk was heard over the mic before Kasumi played the outro.

* * *

Announcer: "The Tight Endzone, the show that keeps your wild fantasies fulfilled. Thank you for tuning into Big Talk Radio and we hope to see you again."


	3. Mishima-Kazama Roundtable

**Truth is I had the hardest just coming up with the title but it's here so everyone enjoy.**

Announcer: If wishes were fishes then the whole world would be an ocean and if someone passes you a bag of my coke then you should sleep with one eye open hoping I don't find you. Hello again everyone I'm Don Poier and welcome back to Big Talk Radio for the next segment 'Mishima-Kazama Roundtable' with radio's happiest couple Kazuya Mishima and Jun Kazama.

Kazuya: I am Mishima. You know life is only funny until someone gets killed, then it's hilarious. But it can only be truly funny if you see it happen for yourself.

Jun: And I am Kazama. It's said that the truth shall set you but yet we are still lied to by everyone. But even with all chaos and anarchy that goes on in the world I can still find myself at peace knowing I have the most important thing to me back by my side.

Kazuya: I couldn't agree more. Now let's take some calls.

 _Jin: Mother, Father._

Kazuya: Well if it isn't my offspring.

Jun: Hi sweetie, how are you today?

 _Jin_ : _Very good_. _I just got a job at the Cutthroat Casino_.

Kazuya: Excellent son I'm proud of you. You're finally understanding how make the big bucks. And what better way is there than taking stupid peoples money?

 _Jin_ : _I know and I_ _never knew how easy it was until I got started then everything just fell into place_. _On my last shift I rigged a slot machine and suckered_ _some lady_ , _a succubus and a cat lady out of 50_ _million yen_.

Jun: Jin how could you! I'm appalled! Are you _trying_ to get fired?!

Kazuya: Oh come on honey, live a little. Jin this is outstanding and I couldn't be happier. I always dreamed that one day you'd find loop holes in wherever you worked at to con mindless suckers out of millions.

Jun: Son I have a hard enough time keeping this one under control you don't need to follow his example!

 _Jin_ : _Mother there's no need to worry this is all legal_. _If it wasn't then I'd do a_ _ponzi scheme fraud but then I'd be a billionaire_.

Jun: Son that's not the point those people work hard for their money and if they are going to lose it then it should be done fairly.

Kazuya: You worry to much woman. But just to be safe be sure to cover your tracks then make up enough evidence to have your co workers go down before you do. Then send your funds to multiple locations in case things get crazy and the pigs come looking for you.

 _Jin_ : _Thanks for the_ _tip Father_. _Goodbye Mother_.

Jun: Bye son!

Jin hangs up*

Kazuya: Don't give me that look, the boy is finally learning.

Jun: Honestly Kaz, have I taught you two nothing?! Gods give me strength, everything I say to them goes in one ear and out the other.

Kazuya: A dream come true isn't it? *Kazuya laughs*

Jun: Very funny. Next caller!

 _Honoka_ _: Hi! I work odd jobs but even with my line of work I can't resist pleasuring myself._

Jun: Goodness!

Kazuya: Sounds hot.

Jun: Kazuya! How could you?

Kazuya: I was kidding! Anyways continue caller.

 _Honoka: Thanks! So I use to do it almost every chance I got but then some police officers got a hold of me said I couldn't do it in public anymore._

Jun: Oh dear, listen it's good you feel so confident about your body but you can't do things like that in public. It's indecent.

Kazuya: Nonsense! If you get the urge then just do it. There's no point in trying to fight it because then it will just get stronger. Who cares if people see and if they do just be charitable and offer them to join you.

Jun: My word! Have you no shame Kazuya?!

Kazuya: Not at all and if I did you most likely would've been bored with me. Now this is getting good, miss please continue.

 _Honoka: Ok, I also am a nymphomaniac but I feel dicriminated against because for some reason my movies I make with my friends keeep getting labeled as 'pornographic' I don't get it._

Kazuya: That right? Perhaps I should take a closer look at your movies. You know for research purposes.

Jun: I have a tazer with your name on it sweetie. Don't test me.

Kazuya: I love when you talk to me like that. Speak slower.

Jun: Calm yourself for once.

Kazuya: You're no fun! Say caller, have you ever been raped?

Jun: For the love of all things holy! Kazuya please!

 _Honoka: Well now that you mention it there was this time I was on a train and these guys surrounded me. I wanted to say something but one of them groped me and it was so blissful after that._

Kazuya: Very interesting. Now get off the line you filthy slut!

Kazuya ends her call*

Jun: That was rude.

Kazuya: Have you ever seen me be polite?

Jun: You were when we first met!

Kazuya: Ha! Well what can I say times have changed. Next caller!

 _Naruto: Hey there!_

Jun: Do you have a question for us?

 _Naruto: Sort of see I got this Xbox a while ago and have been trying to mod it for months with no success..._

Kazuya: Ah modding a gamers secret to making things more fun than it already is. A gateway to a world far beyond game makers creations and imaginations.

Jun: Very poetic. I'm intrigued.

Kazuya: Well hey I'm a poet but I just don't know it but I like to show it.

Jun: Amazing, but doesn't modding get you in trouble with the companies that make the games?

 _Naruto: Really depends what kind of mods you do but anyways I got a tip from a friend that I could mod it easily by throwing off of a tall building._

Jun: Please tell me you didn't do it.

Kazuya: 20 yen says he did.

 _Naruto: Of course I did! I needed mods bad!_

Kazuya: I knew it! Where's my money?!

Kazuya is laughing hysterically in the background*

Jun: Why, oh why are people so gullible?

Kazuya: Ha ha! That's the kind of stuff I live for! So tell me kid, did you get any mods?

Kazuya tries to suppress his laughter while Jun has her head in her hands shaking her head*

 _Naruto: No, instead now it won't turn on. Can you give me suggestions on what I should do next?_

Jun: Well you cou--

Kazuya: You should find yourself a private island, live there for the rest of your and never invite anyone. Now get this fucking imbecile off the line I can feel my I.Q. dropping!

Kazuya hangs him up*

Jun: Before we continue let's have a word from our sponsors.

\-- _Commercial Start_

 ** _I am The Man They Call The Truth and I am advertising EA Sports._**

 ** _Today I have been asked to give a short tutorial of the pronunciation, inflection, intonation, and delivery of the line E. A. Sports._**

 ** _Now I know you have a lot to cover today so I will keep this short. First and most important is volume._**

 ** _EA Sports is not something to be delivered lightly. It is firm, it's aggressive, it is your guts hurtling through the air as you growl like a hungry dog on a t-bone._**

 ** _As an exercise please turn to the person closest to you and scream 'I WANT YOUR JOB!' three times just as loud as you can._**

 ** _The second most important thing is Inflection. It is E. A. Sports. Not, _e _A Sports_**

 ** _Not_ _E_ a _Sports, and sure as hell not_ _Eee A Sports._**

 ** _No my friends there is only one true inflection, capital E, capital A, capital SPORTS._**

 ** _After all it's not u S A, it's USA and it's E. A. SPORTS._**

 ** _Thirdly pronunciation, a seemingly simple thing really after all it eight measly letters E. A. Sports. What's so hard about that?_**

 ** _Yet alas you'd be surprised at what we've come across in our travels here's some examples._**

 ** _The English version 'Yeah right then? EA Sports Right?'._**

 ** _The middle eastern version 'Oh my god it's EA Sports'_**

 ** _The Canadian version 'E. A. Sports. A.'_**

 ** _The dyslexic version 'A. E. Sports.'_**

 ** _The Punk version 'E. A. Oh screw it!'_**

 ** _And the mime version '...'_**

 ** _Lastly and by no means do I mean least important attitude. _**

**_Electronic Arts is a company that kicks ass. It takes no prisoners, it offers no apologies. There is a swagger, and it's attitude that makes this line sing. For in the dog eat dog world that play in we are the snarling, slobbering, eyes rolling back in our heads pit bull. Chowing down on our competitors like some many crispy little doggy snacks._**

 ** _So everytime you rip to the heavens the line E. A. Sports, it's in the game, you say it with attitude and you say it like it's the last happiest breath you are ever going to take. Now turn to the person closest to you, and give it up man! One time with as much feeling as you can muster. E! A! SPORTS! IT'S IN THE GAME!_**

 ** _I am The Man They Call The Truth and that concludes todays tutorial. Thank you and now back to your regularly scheduled program._**

 _\--Commercial Ends--_

Jun: Seriously, where did I go wrong with you?

Kazuya: You didn't, you just gotta get use to how I am and this is funny considering we've been married for years and you still aren't use to this yet.

Jun: But would it kill you to be polite to someone other than me?

Kazuya: Hmmm...nope! Caller you're on the horn!

 _Baraka:_ _Hey people say_ _I'm funny but just being funny isn't cutting it these days. I don't think it's_ _fair I mean I'm_ _a tarkatan and my kind is highly respected_. _However when I_ _use my material I_ _get such negative criticism_. _It's really frustrating!_

Kazuya: Are you related to my wife by any chance? Ha ha ha!

Jun: (sarcastically) Humorous Kazuya you're such a riot.

Kazuya: Actually I _start_ riots.

 _Baraka: If she isn't a tarkatan then no._

Jun: Well last I checked my teeth aren't as badly disfigured as yours are so I don't think we are.

Kazuya: I don't know your teeth look pretty sharp, very messed up. Ha ha! Wooo!

Jun: I'm going to ring your neck!

Kazuya: Geez touchy! Take a joke will ya?

Jun: Ugh...caller do you have a question for us?

 _Baraka: Sure I know a lot of things you know I use to be on the radio a long time ago. How about I do your job?_ _I get tired of cleaning up this club I work at_. _The people keep leaving semen everywhere._

Jun: Semen? You work at a sperm bank?

 _Baraka: No a strip club and sex goes on every night I swear those people screw like rabbits in heat! Hell I even seen the manager getting drilled by the DJ!_

Kazuya: Now that's really something. How's pay?

 _Baraka: $25 an hour._

Kazuya: Making that kind of money I'd be laughing to the bank to much to complain.

 _Baraka: That's not the point I can't keep doing this! So about having your job?_

Kazuya: Come on man even my wife can't do her job. Now kick rocks pathetic excuse of life! Let's have one last caller!

 _Juri: Hey there! I listen to your show every chance I get and I must say it really made me open my eyes about the world around me. I recently moved to the states and lived in a crummy apartment for a while before making a private Penthouse for myself. Now I have it guarded with the best security ever made. The place is surrounded by electric wire and even before then I got a Spaz 12 to shoot and kill any stranger I see._

Jun: Well that's...wonderful um is there anything you'd like to ask us?

 _Juri: As a matter of fact I do. Here's the thing I have a bunch of corpes rotting in my back yard which were murdered by yours truly. So I wondering am I able to get a tax rate for all of this unpaid manual labor?_

Kazuya: Now that's a good question let's hope you can. In the meantime, do you have an accountant?

 _Juri: Just hired one last month._

Kazuya: Well done now I recommend you see if you can list them as dependants. If the accountant askes for names then used made up ones to avoid suspicion.

 _Juri: Sounds good, anything else?_

Kazuya: Absolutely, next hide a majority of your net worth in an underground money laundering system designed to support and further push the heroin trade.

 _Juri: Hmm...that might be very profitable. Thanks a lot!_

Kazuya: Hold on there's more! The benefit of all this is when it works you no longer need to pay anymore taxes for the rest of your life. And while you're at it go ahead and complain about how corrupted you think the country has gotten meanwhile ironically you're doing nothing to help.

 _Juri: Thanks for everything you guys are the best!_

Juri hangs up*

Jun: Never in my life would ever think I would marry someone like you.

Kazuya: I'll take that as a compliment.

Jun: Seriously Kaz, do you even have a soul? That woman was talking about corpses in her yard and you give her advice on money laundering?!

Kazuya: What? I was giving one in a million advice right there. Not to mention it's an ideal way to have a monetary value state of mind.

Jun: Gods...I married man obsessed with money.

Kazuya: It's what makes the world go round and you gotta get it any way you possibly can and if it's done illegally then you cover your tracks every way you can.

Jun: How about instead of making dirty money off of corpes you think about some productive and environment friendly like recycling?

Kazuya: And how the hell would she be able to recycle those bodies?

Jun: Easy. She could donate all of thier organs to the needy.

Kazuya: Or better yet she could _sell_ the organs to science and make an honest buck! Ha ha ha!

Jun: For the love of-- is money all you care about?!

Kazuya: I care about you and Jin.

Jun: I know _that_ but there's more to life than money Kaz!

Kazuya: You might be right. You know you seem pretty stressed. How about I take you out for a night on the town?

Jun: That had to be the best idea you've had all day. Let's go! Everyone thank you for listening and we'll see again at The Roundtable.

The show goes off air*

Announcer: That was the Mishima-Kazama Roundtable. This has been Big Talk Radio and I'm Don Poier. We'll see you later folks!


	4. Erika's Sky Garden

**Truth is I'm back at it again with another one. So without further ado kick back, relax and enjoy.**

Announcer: Apples don't fall far from a tree but if the tree is on a hill then they can roll. Hello everybody I'm Don Poier and welcome back to Big Talk Radio for the next show Sky Garden with the calmest woman you'll ever meet, Gym Leader Erika broadcasting live from her vibrant garden high in the sky above Celadon City

 ***Intro Plays***

Erika: Mmm...good day to all that is listening. It's so lovely this morning wouldn't you agree? The sun was high in the sky smiling down upon me and I just _had_ to come out today. Ahh...days like this come once maybe twice in a lifetime and you should cherish- oh my pardon me I tend to doze off. I would like to welcome all my listeners to the Sky Garden, and I am your host Erika. For as long as I can remember if I wasn't in my gym I'd be in my garden breathing new life into every plant see. Why I believe every question life throws at us can be answered by gardening. The mysteries of life can finally be found in something as simple as a flower-it's allergy triggering pollen, it's long stem and, most wonderful of all its petals. They're all so beautiful, just like me and you. I think you might betired of my rambling so it time for some calls, you're on Erika's Sky Garden. Go ahead caller.

 _Tali: Uh,_ yes, _thanks for having me_ _on,_ _I'm a big fan of your show_. _Um, I recently_ _have settled upon a_ _home on Earth and run into a problem that_ _I was hoping you could help me with._

Erika: It's always nice to have diversity on my show especially with extra terrestrial beings. May I ask what your species is?

 _Tali: I am a Quarian._

Erika: Wow I've heard about you before. Your people are very intelligent. Do you still require those bodysuits to breathe?

 _Tali: Not anymore we finally have the biotics needed so now our immune system is strong enough for us to no longer need use of our suits._

Erika: Well that's wonderful just marvelous! I love hearing good news, now back to your question.

 _Tali: Right now here's the thing I think my_ _melons aren't_ _big enough_. _I thought their growth cycle wasn't finished so I did what was needed to help it continue_ , _but they have suddenly ceased all growth_. _I find this to be unfair because I have a next door neighbor right? Some red headed woman with long pigtails_ _and I think she might be a ninja._

Erika: A ninja you say? How can you tell?

 _Tali: Well for one thing_ _she tends to wear a mysterious fox mask all the time and she disappears and reappears in her garden in the blink of an eye_.

Erika: Amazing! You know I've seen some ninjas in my time like this one guy, pretty mysterious in his own right and didn't talk much he also ran a gym like me but he had his daughter inherit it he after was accepted into the Elite Four.

 _Tali: That's very nice but-_

Erika: Speaking of his daughter she is the sweetest and a true master disguise. Why one time she disguised herself into a tree and I never knew it!

 _Tali: Excuse me but can I get back to my problem?_

Erika: Oh, I apologize go ahead miss. Let's hear it.

 _Tali: Ok so like I was saying my melons aren't that big, especially compared to my neighbor's._ _And her melons are so huge! Anyone and everyone that just so happens to pass by_ _just go gaga over them_. _All the time around the clock people swarm over her melons and I hear,_ ' Oh, they taste so sweet! Oh, I just want to squeeze those! Oh look how firm they are!' _What do_ _I do?_

Erika: Quite the dilemma you have. I would definitely love to see your melons for myself. Just relax, take a deep breath and keep an open mind knowing l that gardening is an uplifting, light journey where you create your own world and shape it to your liking. However, sometimes nature needs a bit of an assist, a bit of a push, a bit of help you know to kinda, kick things into action. You understand what I'm saying?

 _Tali: I comprehend it. So what do you suggest?_

Erika: Try looking for this amazing fertilizer I stumbled upon called, 'Crecimiento Mamario' a close friend of mine introduced me to it and I'm glad they showed me it. This however needs to be injected with a needle, so be extra careful, and inject that right into your melons, and be starstruck at the rapid speed of the growth.

 _Tali: I am grateful for you assistance Erika_ , _you're incredible!_

Erika: Yes, I am, I know that. But then again, why wouldn't be? I mean I've kept myself so commited with nature to the point where I find difficult to remember what it's like to sleep inside. The nature is so peaceful to a fault. Wait a sec excuse me producer, why are you waving your arms? Oh sorry, we have to take a short commercial break and we'll be right back after this!

* * *

 ** _Are you trying to look for free range breast wine and don't know where to find it?_**

 ** _Are you a seller of breast wine and don't how to get your product out to the masses of college students, sex addicts, and felons that want to get their hands on it?_**

 ** _If you answered 'yes' to any of those questions then you need me Diablo of Diablo Enterprises._**

 ** _I am the number 1 importer/exporter of breast wine within the greater Orc controlled Detroit metropolitan area. We at Diablo Enterprises make a life long goal to give the world the best wine freshly harvested from our well endowed breasts._**

 ** _But don't take our word for it because that would be plain ignorant. Our race has evolved each flavor of our wine to ensure that there is at least one flavor for everybody._**

 ** _Still not convinced? Ask some of the most important figures in the universe. Kitana? A long time consumer and most powerful princess in Edenia! That is until that Shokan turned her out now she's the most powerful cum dumpster in Edenia._** ** _Lucky Chloe? One of the youngest and most popular musical artists in the world. She has gone on record saying that she needs at least two to get through the day._**

 ** _Feng Wei? At one point he was a scrawny little punk at first glance then after some breast wine he is almost as strong and well built as me. He even feels it's required for his training which he has said to do from sunrise until sunset._**

 ** _When it comes to to quality we are the best in the world if not the universe. So don't waste another second go to your local magic shop and pick up some breast wine today!_**

* * *

Erika: And we are back. Wasn't that commercial great? Now let's not waste another second and take another caller.

 _Sindel: Elder Gods, I thought I was never gonna get off hold! Life really comes at you fast and if anyone knows this it's me. People constantly tell me how good my body looks but say my face has a lot to be desired. I just give them a banshee scream straight out of their skin and send them on their way but even so it's still annoying to hear_ _it._

Erika: Well there's nothing I couldn't tell you that you probably heard already. But hey, life turns out in an endless variety of different ways for everyone depending on how you treat it. The best I recommend is to find ways to enjoy or better yet find a way to improve your looks. You ever try something like that?

 _Sindel: Now that you mention it, no not really. In my line of work I have a difficult time getting a moments peace. But some of my sources from around the world have informed me that facials are do wonders for your skin and really make you look younger._

Erika: Oh yes listen honey more than anything I should know first hand. Especially when God forbid at the worst time you're looking like a train wreck I mean pure trailer park trash, you might need a little make-up or something to that effect. I'm not one to make assumptions but you sound like a lonely drunk with one old pussy ...cat.

 _SIndel:_ _It isn't anything too serious just a slight menopause Erika, ok?_ _I'm having some hot flashes here and there, so cut me a break, huh?_

Erika: Hmm taking a pause from men, eh? No shame in your game, I think should consider trying that one of these days. But as far as your face goes, try going for nature's cosmetic camouflage. I hear Sophitia takes baths with milk, cereal, and her sister every morning.

 _Sindel: That's sounds intriguing. Did they every eat the cereal?_

Erika: God I hope not, but then again I've heard they are into some of the freakiest stuff, however what they do behind closed doors is their business. Back to your skin it also wouldn't hurt to use some pecha berries on your face, too. The berry itself is quite delicious and the juice from it is great too, it really opens your pores on contact, and it literally makes the age on your face just peel right off.

 _SIndel: I sincerely thank you Erika. The Elder Gods are forever indebted to you and may they forever watch over you._

Erika: You're too kind, I'm very flattered. After all I'm your average person fertilizing the minds of millions with helpful advice. Of you won't hear from me then you'll hear bunch of lies from people trying to take your money. Now at this point enough is enough of you amateurs filling what should be your garden with fire and poison, enough of filling your gardens with misery and disappointment. I want every single one of you to have a great time and join in on the fun! When you drive your hands deep in life and bury them in the soil of nature, and you pull out a Weedle or a bodybuilder... God I love bodybuilders, so plump and juicy... Hello Blake, from Silphe Co in Saffron City!"

 _Butch: Hey Erika,_ _first time caller long time listener, by the way my name is Butch. I been really been interested in landscaping depite my line of work so when I'm free I tend to work on my lawn and gardening while making enough crops to give to the needy. Aside from that_ _I like to drinking beer and riding around on the lawnmower while enjoying a nice brew, too_ _because you know,_ _the vibrations are pretty sweet especially when you're getting wasted._ _But even with new found happiness I still have one pain nagging me to death-_

Erika: Really Bret, Is it Cassidy?

 _Butch: Please Erika, it's Butch._ _And_ _After I took her back to my place one night and gave her the best experience she'll ever have I have never seen her so calm. Now what is really getting under my skin is I just can't seem to get these damn weeds out of my driveway._ _And I've_ _exhausted every effort I could think of of. I mean I tried napalm, I tried tear gas, I tried gasoline of course-_

Erika: Ok stop for a sec please, just lend an ear, I need you to listen to me, are you listening to me, Bo?

 _Butch: It's Butch._

Erika: That was only a test I know what your name is, I know it's Bill. Now listen up and listen closely. You need to pave over your entire driveway, OK?

 _Butch: All of it?_

Erika: Every last bit. Now I want you to just pave it over with cement, gravel or ass...phalt, or whatever you feel is necessary.

 _Butch: Will do, but are you sure about this? I mean this won't backfire, will it?_

Erika: Not in the slightest. Listen, I have the entire inside of my mansion, completely covered in astroturf. Also might I mention by the way, is particularly handy when I let Misty come over and being the master of ceremonies that she is ends up thowing a party. Then she first invites Lt. Surge, Chuck, and Brawly then they invite their friends and we have a little midnight match of football, tackle only. Now when given the proper love and attention your lawn will be beautiful and green, all year long so then you can focus on the important matters, if you catch my drift.

 _Butch: Thank you that sounds great. You're the best Erika._

Erika: Of course I am. Erika's Sky Garden is sponsored by Uchiha Farming Incorporated If you're afraid someone will steal your crops then why not grow them indoors like me? You can find them right down the Farms right downtown, next door to Laura's Power Plant, guaranteed to shock your wallet dry. This has been the Sky Garden and I'm Erika, until next time.

Announcer: That was the show that gets more callers than any other. On Big Talk Radio, Erika's Sky Garden!


	5. The Dirt Sheet

**Truth is work has been a killer on me and it seems I'm always tired because of it. However I finally found some free time to put up the next show.**

Announcer: **_I once had a promising career in basketball back in college. Then I broke my back and never picked another ball again. Hello folks I'm Don Poier and welcome back to Big Talk Radio for a new segment The Dirt Sheet!_**

Asuka: It seems to me that all these reporters are nothing but a bunch of wusses. I mean everytime you turn the tv on or you're driving and you listen to the radio it's nothing but the same losers droning on and on about the same bullshit that no one in the right mind gives a flying fuck about! But that ends today with the latest and greatest show to hit Big Talk Radio, I give you The Dirt Sheet! Welcome to the inaugural episode everyone I am your hostess with the mostess Asuka Kazama. On this episode we are joined by a very special guest please welcome to the show the CEO and founder of DOATEC, Miss Helena Douglas!

Helena: Bonjor! Such a pleasure to be your first guest.

Asuka: Pleasure is all mine now you have built your empire all your own taking no prisoners en route to your goal of making it to the top. Within a year you gained a monopoly, stomping the competition out one by one until the present day where you have a stranglehold on the entire corporate market. Man what a journey.

Helena: Oui, it has been a long road to get where I am today. After all I've had to endure doing everything you could imagine to make it. Why I went from gambling, to drug trafficking which almost got me killed multiple times over. Hell I even made a career out of prizefighting but one too many concussions and I had to call it quits. Then I used my fight money to pay for college and here we are today where I _am_ the corporate market!

Asuka: Very interesting, since you mentioned the prizefighting I understand that along with being in it you also run the DOA tournament. Now I must admit with all of the wide diversity among it's participants it has really given The King of Iron Fist Tournament a run for their money.

Helena: But of course we have only the best in the world. You'd be hard pressed to find anybody better than them.

Asuka: That may very well be true however we want to know what goes on behind the scenes. You know the backstage politics that no one gets to see. So what I have here is a list of fighters that either compete or have competed in the tournament and what's gonna happen is we want you're opinion on them. So you know if you're cool with them or not here is chance to let it be known. Also if you any stories about them then if you want share them with us here and now.

Helena: Ooh sounds fun!

Asuka: Well let's start with the first on the list *chuckles* Zack.

Helena: Oh my, for starters he's definitely an interesting guy to be around and without a doubt the realest guy in the room but more importantly his own biggest fan. But that really is a good thing for him.

Asuka: Really now? How so?

Helena: It all began the night after a tournament where Zack, Lei Fang, and myself had been invited to a party at Barclays Center. I was just about to call an uber for us but instead this guy insisted we take his Murciélago despite the fact that we all know the guy drives like he's playing Crazy Taxi.

Asuka: Really, so how was the party?

Helena: I couldn't tell you because we never made it. The car itself only had two seats so Lei Fang was in my lap the whole time and kept warning Zack everytime he was fucking up. Zack himself was to hyped about being the designated driver that he ignored everything she said, also it didn't help that he was blasting the radio too. Next thing you know I damn near break my neck because he's speeding over potholes left and right completely obliterating the tires tearing them to shreds!

Asuka: Sounds like a never ending ride to hell.

Helena: Oh believe me it felt like it. I thought my ears were gonna fall off because Zack's reckless driving had Lei Fang screaming the whole time. I was thanking God once he finally ran out of gas, however we were in the middle of the street at an intersection.

Asuka: Did people get mad at you guys?

Helena: Surprisingly no. Despite not having gas Zack wanted to make the most out of the situation. So he kept the music blasting and opened the windows and started dancing in front of the car behind us. Then some weird looking guy with an afro and light up overalls decides to have a dance off against Zack. Then tons of other cars stopped in the roads near us and the whole place turned into a block party. Later on I slowly got into it and started dancing too while Lei Fang was grinding on me.

Asuka: What a stunning turn of events. Zack is a little something with a little something else.

Helena: Indeed, truly the best person to be around if you're bored. No matter how much he screws up he always makes the most of any bad situation. Also for some strange reason he love getting his ass kicked because he clings to Tina like an old gum wrapper. Meanwhile she abuses him to no end it's honestly very baffling.

Asuka: I don't know whether to call that hilarious or just sad. But moving on to the next name. How about Marie Rose?

Helena: The most trustworthy person I've had the pleasure to know. No question she is as sweet as can be unless of course you piss her off.

Asuka: Oh believe me I've seen the damage she can do. Now I'm never one to underestimate an opponent but her small stature had me thinking she'd be as much of a threat as Dan Hibiki. But I saw what she did against Alpha 152 and their attack patterns were almost identical.

Helena: What the- How the- That footage is top secret DOATEC business and held under the highest sercurity! How did you get ahold of it?!

Asuka: I have my sources which are 110% confidential, but back to Rose I think she just might be a match for me.

Helena: I really must surpress my amusement and laughter. You must be completely out of your mind if you think that you would have any kind of chance against her.

Asuka: *scoffs* Please! That half pint has as much of a chance beating me as the Philadelphia Eagles do winning the Super Bowl!

Helena: Did I hit a nerve? Your 'sources' get anything and everything about someone, am I correct?

Asuka: Yeah, so what?

Helena: Then you might want to update those sources of a certain x-rated fight.

Asuka: Cut the shit already! What are you getting at?

Helena: Calmez-vous. Now are you familiar with a woman named Jennifer Walters?

Asuka: Of course that's She Hulk. Doesn't she run an underground fight club?

Helena: The very same. A glorified torture chamber designed to mentally scar you and physically destroy you.

Asuka: Wow now that's terrifying, but what does that have to do with Marie Rose?

Helena: It was a slow night at DOATEC and I came across a flyer advertising it so she decided to take it upon herself and accept the challenge.

Asuka: No way! Ha ha! She got her ass kicked didn't she?

Helena: Au contraire not it the slightest. She Hulk was defeated without getting a single hit in.

Asuka was annoyed and got directly in Helena's face*

Asuka: Now I know your lying! She Hulk is capable of tanking a nuclear bomb without breaking so much as a single sweat! So explain to me how that half pint did _anything_ to her!

Helena: Why do that when I can just show you? I had Marie put a hidden camera clothes so when she took them off it would be in a spot where I'd see everything perfectly. Now check this out. *pulls out her phone*

Asuka: Took them off?

Helena: Did I stutter?

Asuka: No but why do you keep your phone in your boobs?

Helena: Well the dress I'm wearing doesn't have any pockets so what do you want me to do?

Asuka: Good point.

Asuka watches the fight*

Asuka: Damn she must have went through some of the craziest most insanity causing training to do all of that. I would have shattered my hand to pieces trying to hurt She Hulk. I bet Marie was punching iron walls just getting her fighting in order. But enough about that we're on to the next name.

Helena: Oh?

Asuka: Here's a nice one. Mila.

Helena: The MMA fighter?

Asuka: She the only one I know. Well except for a chick I met Cleveland that still owes $5. I'm gonna kick your ass when I find you!

Helena: Five dollars? Are you honestly beat someone up over five dollars?

Asuka: It's not so much about the money it's more about the principle. If someone owes you money then they're supposed to pay upfront.

Helena: Understandable, but can we get back to the interview? You know you seem to enjoy turning this into the Asuka show.

Asuka: Sorry about that sometimes I just like hearing myself talk. But anyways back to Mila.

Helena: Oh yes, I got a good tale to tell about her! See while I was prizefighting we did a super show with UFC and WWE over in Houston a few years ago. I wanted to share a room with one person from each promotion just so if an opportunity presented itself then we could share some wild stories like I'm doing here, right?

Asuka: Yeah I hear that.

Helena: So anyway it was myself, Mila, and this wrestler her name was Mika, I think sharing a room. We just came back from doing a show and we hit the showers later on. Then Mila went to sleep almost immediately so the wrestler and I were sitting in our bed and it was a huge one at that. We were up playing blackjack until Mika wanted to mess with Mila while she was still knocked out.

Asuka: That's messed up.

Helena: I know and I was ready to oppose but it was a boring night so I just went with it. So I got things started and pulled out marker from my bosom.

Asuka: What else do you keep in there? Huh?

Helena: Nevemind that. Now I decided to take the marker and draw all over her face. It wasn't easy though the girl couldn't stop moving every 5 seconds and damn if that girl ain't the heaviest sleeper I've seen. But anyway after I turned her into a painters smock I got real close to her ear and I got her to stick her tongue out. Then after I started French kissing her and it wasn't your typical garden variety kiss our tongues were having a full on wrestling match of our own.

Asuka: Surely that woke the girl didn't it?

Helena: Believe it or not,no she was still fast asleep. That's when Mika wanted to mess with her a little more so she went over to her duffle bag and pulled out a tiny bag of coke and poured it on her hand. Now keep in mind that Mila still had her tongue hanging out after we were sucking face. So Mika slapped the coke on her tongue and Mila was smacking her lips unconsciously tasting it then she was back to snoring.

Helena laughs*

Asuka: Ha ha ha! It clearly wasn't enough, was it?

Helena: Nope or else she would have been bouncing off the walls.

Asuka: Ok now nex-

Helena: Braquage! I got one, I know she isn't on your list. Who was japanese chick from NJPW?

Asuka: I'm drawing a blank.

Helena: I'm telling you people never forgot her because Heihachi Mishima was challenging people to try german suplex him and anyone who failed got the shit beat out of them. Then she stepped up after what seemed like at least 100 fighters and Mishima hadn't even broken a sweat and the second he saw her and he couldn't stop laughing then she caught him with a dead lift german suplex.

Asuka: What's the difference between that and a regular german suplex?

Helena: A dead lift one is done without popping your hips and relys solely on your strength alone.

Asuka: I think I might know who you're talking about now but I still can't make up a face.

Helena: Come on now! She beat him up and called you up afterward.

Asuka: Wait, you mean Eileen?

Helena: That's it! Let me tell you about her! Is she on there? If not you need to write her name on there.

Asuka: Defin- wait she's already on the list! So let's hear it.

Helena: Certainly. Now Eileen was fucking Sheeva, afterwards much later on Sheeva passed her down to Tina. Next I don't how it happened but somehow one thing led to another and Tina falls in love with her. But when I mean falls in love I don't mean you're average puppy love were talking about full on head over heels in love. I mean good grief Tina loving the hell out of Eileen! Everywhere we went in public she was holding hands with her, kissing on her, saying out loud all the dirty, smutty things she was gonna do to Eileen. The stuff she said was freaky and believe me I've heard the freakiest and then some.

Asuka: Sounds like a match made in heaven to me.

Helena: Ha! You'd think that wouldn't you? I mean things were going good until a little something called karma showed up.

Asuka: What happened?

Helena: Well Eileen was in Japan meanwhile Tina was on tour with us and we had just finished up doing a show in Allentown. It was late at night and everyone was hanging out in my room when Chun Li showed up with a tape claiming that this was must see footage that we couldn't ignore. So Juri humors her and put the tape in and let me tell you Chun wasn't lying at all because everyone's eyes were glued to the screen _especially_ Tina. So what was on the video was Eileen and Kokoro getting fucked by Poison. The whole thing looked intense to say the least but Poison's stamina is a force to be reckoned with I know that first hand. So anyway once Poison hit her climax and the two of them were trying to get as much cum on their tongue as they could.

Asuka: So how does the karma play a factor?

Helena: Easy. Tina had her mouth agape in complete shock the whole time but eventually snapped out of it saying, "What the hell!". Then everyone had the same idea as Juri said "Hey, cowgirl your hoe is on TV as the star of 'Swallow The Leader'. The whole room bursted into laughter minus Tina of course. Then Juri decided to rub some more salt in the wound and told her, "It's a shame really. I mean you were gonna leave your wife for her and everything, then this comes out."

Asuka: Damn Juri is cold blooded and wait, did you say leave her wife?

Helena: Yes I did during all of the fun she had with Eileen the whole kicker was that Tina was married. Then a little thing called karma pulled up and said, "Sorry I'm late!" and this is what you have. But Juri wanted to take one more jab and told Tina to smack her teeth then lick her lips.

Asuka: Why would Tina do that?

Helena: Tina asked that same question and Juri said, "So now you how Poison's cock tastes."

Asuka and Helena start to laugh hysterically*

Asuka: Man that sure put the clamp down on that affair!

Helena: I doubt it did, in public yes but behind closed doors I extremely doubt it. Tina's wife eventually caught wind about the affair and instead of being mad about the infidelity she was mad Tina didn't share her. Next thing I know we were back in Japan and I inadvertently walk in on Tina and her wife having a threesome with Eileen.

Asuka: Man some people are truly nymphomaniacs. Ok one last name.

Helena: Bring it.

Asuka: Sonya Blade.

Helena's eyes go wide before she laughs out loud.*

Helena: You nasty cum gargling bitch! You know that for love of me I hate your guts you sick disgusting whore! You were a tramp then and still a tramp now! I swear on my life after all the stuff I've seen and heard you do I'd be able to make a weekly series depicting all the nasty stuff you do you dirty slut! I swear you're ten times worse than Eileen! You are without a doubt the sickest fuck I've ever had the displeasure of seeing.

Asuka: Um...well that about does it. Thank you folks for joining us here on the Dirt Sheet. I want to thank Helena Douglas once again for being a wonderful guest and until next time this is Asuka Kazama signing off.

 **Announcer: That was The Dirt Sheet exclusively on Big Talk Radio. Thanks for joining us.**


	6. Graffiti Radio

**I'm still on this series. This is based on 'Radio Graffiti' a segment on True Capitalist Radio. If you don't know what either of those are go on YT and look them up. Also most of the callers will be from NXT. Otherwise enjoy!**

Announcer: **A wise man** **once said the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. However if the tree is on a hill the apples can roll. Hi everyone I'm Don Poier and welcome back to Big Talk Radio for our newest show Graffiti Radio starring Andrade 'Cien' Almas!**

 _"Making A Difference"_ by CFO$ plays

Andrade: Hola ladies and gentlemen welcome to Graffiti Radio! La Sombra has arrived to grace his presence on these airwaves. Consider yourselves lucky for a man of my greatness to waste his time with you gringos.

Bayley: Excuse Mr. Almas, but shouldn't we introduce ourselves and be nicer to the viewers?

Andrade: Cállate mujer! I'm the star! El idolo! But you do have a point, the cucarachas need to know who is honoring their ears. I am your host Andrade 'Cien' Almas and normally I'd have Zelina by my side but she is very busy today. However all is not lost everyone might I present my asistente idiota, Bayley.

Bayley: Hi everybody, nice to-

Andrade: Silencio! Your taking away valuable airtime from those who deserve it! Now let's take some calls, once your on you have a limited time to say whatever is on your mind. But knowing you people it probably won't be much you have to say anyway.

Bayley: Area code 212 you're on Graffiti Radio.

 _Caller: Hello?_

Andrade: Speak up! The people in the back can't hear!

 _Caller: Hello? Anyone there?_

Andrade: Dios mio. Bayley! Make yourself useful and hang this fool up!

Bayley: Mr. Almas I think he just had his phone on mute. Nothing worth getting upset over.

Andrade: Cállate la boca! Get me another caller.

Bayley: Dr. Evil you're on Graffiti Radio.

 _Aleister Black: The gold is all mine 'Cien'. So now you, your title reign, and your show will fade to black..._

Andrade: Hijo de puta, that's my title you thief! I'm gonna wring your neck, you hear me?! You're a dead man Aleister! Dead!

Bayley: Um...wow. Fiesta Man you're on.

 _No Way José: Arriba! It's time to dance, it's time to dance! Andrade you and Bayley **must** come party with me! (CRASH) Nothing happened! Ha!_

Andrade: José you're a worthless parásito. Get the hell off my line. Next!

Bayley: I don't know. He sounded like he was having the time of his life. I think we should go.

Andrade: Listen up peasant I don't pay you to think, now get me another caller!

Bayley: Ok, ok! Hmm? Uh...The nightmare you're on?

 _Cody Rhodes: You know if the radio station you work for actually cared for you then you wouldn't be wasting your time with such an incompetent people._

Bayley: Hey that's not nice!

Andrade: Finalmente! Someone who understands, it's about time somebody with a brain called. How life treating you Señor Rhodes?

 _Cody: Fairly well I must say. For one thing Brandi and I are over here in Miami enjoying the weather. Then later the Young Bucks and I are gonna hit the bar. Also I finally got a huge burden off of my shoulders since I took care of that dead weight Omega. How about you Mr. Almas?_

Andrade: Magnifico glad to hear. I heard Kenny was quite the nuisance. Someone told me what happened with the Bucks and Kenny, now did you plan that or was it on the fly?

 _Cody: On the fly. I just wanted to clear the air with him but he didn't want to hear it and one thing led to another then he pushed me and you know me I ended up stooping to his level and pushed back, next the rest of the club came out and the rest is history._

Andrade: I was almost speechless when he pushed one of the Bucks down. Was he actually remorseful?

 _Cody: Oh he was man, he was. You should have saw the look on his face! It had 'I fucked up' written all over it. Then he tried to apologize but they weren't hearing it. After they all deserted him I suckered him in and picked up the scraps._

Bayley: That's terrible! You should have been a better friend to him.

Andrade: Nonsense, that was an ingenious plan I am truly impressed. Gracias for calling in.

 _Cody: Thanks for having me._

Bayley: There was no need for him to do all of that. He should be ashamed.

Andrade: Ashamed? Ha, if anything you need to take notes I guarantee that you'd have a much more successful career if you did. Let's have another caller!

Bayley: (Blows raspberry) You're very mean! Rainmaker you're on Graffiti Radio.

 _Velveteen Dream: Andrade listen, The Velveteen Dream is uncensored, uncut and has some dick and cheese just for you baby cakes._

Andrade: Oh christ! Get him off! Ugh!

Bayley: Why? I think he's a big fan of yours. He he he!

Andrade: Don't you dare joke with me! Get me a different caller!

Bayley: It was only a joke Mr. Almas, sheesh. Area code 478 you're on.

 _Baron Corbin: Hey asshole!_ _I dare you to run your mouth like this to my face! I guarantee you'll be picking up your jaw!_

Andrade: That's Mr. Cien to you peasant!

 _Baron: Oh bite me you uppity prick! By the way keep shitty piece of scrap metal away from my bike!_

Andrade: You watch your tounge pendejo! That's a brand new Lamborghini Huraçon your talking about! I bet it cost more than how much you make in a week!

 _Baron: I give three fucks how much it cost just keep that shit away from my bike. Also you cut me off earlier today, try that again and I'll have an End Of Days with your name on it!_

Andrade: Whatever you say, Bayley get this guy off!

Bayley: If I could make a suggestion Baron is just about the last person you want angry at you. But then again he's almost always in a bad mood.

Andrade: Listen here you miscreant keep your suggestions to yourself. Get it?

Bayley: Got it.

Andrade: Good. Next caller!

 _Velveteen Dream: Cien baby buns, the time has come for you to sword fight with The Velveteen Dream._

Andrade: GRRR! Get that guy off my show! Now!

Bayley: Sounds like he's really invested you.

Andrade: Don't test me. Now on with the show.

Bayley: 679 your on the show.

 _Velveteen Dream: Oooh Cien baby you sound so hot when your mad._

Andrade: For fuck sake get this guy outta here! Bayley don't you dare call on him again!

Bayley: I'm sorry Mr. Almas but I can't stop him.

Andrade: Why the fuck not?

Bayley: Every time he's called on it's always on a different number. So if I were to block one of his numbers then that would prevent someone else from that area code from calling and he can just call from another.

Andrade: So you can't just call around him or avoid him completely?

Bayley: I can try but I won't guarantee anything. Um 718 you're on the horn.

 _Caller: (The Nobodies by Marilyn Manson blast through the phone)_

Andrade: Shut that off! Hey pal I don't know if you're aware but some people here still want to hear by the time they grow old!

Bayley: (Holding her ears) Jeez Louise that was loud. Hey next caller, please don't try to blow off our ear drums.

 _Velveteen Dream: The only thing The Velveteen Dream will blow is your mind and Cien, beautiful you **will** say my name._

Andrade: That tears it! (Throws glass bottles across the room)

Bayley: Mr. Almas, please watch where you throw those you might knock us off the air!

Andrade: Cállate la boca!

(Andrade is raging to hard to listen and after several minutes he loses the Mic but it somehow is still turned on)

Andrade: Great just great now I lost the Mic. This is all your fault puta! If you hadn't called on that asshole none of this would have happened.

Bayley: Mr. Almas I can take your regular dose of disrespect and name calling but please don't call me that. Second I told you before that I can't stop him. Third let's just calm down and find the mic.

Andrade: Might as well, I mean I'm the last good thing to hear on this radio. If I were to stop then this whole generation would be doomed. Also I'm gonna get the first aid kit and a spare bottle of iodine.

Bayley: What's the first aid kit for?

Andrade: You, and based on what Zelina told me there's no doubt you'll need it.

Bayley: Hey wait a sec I am not clumsy! I can perform as good as anyone else in that ring!

Andrade: I didn't mean the ring mujer. Zelina told me that around her house you're a klutz.

Bayley: Oh yeah, name one time!

Andrade: December 2007, you just finished putting up the Christmas tree with her and while putting the star on the top you broke your arm.

Bayley: Hold on that was only a hairline fracture! Besides I slipped on the stool.

Andrade: That right? How about July 2003, you got your hair caught a fan?

Bayley: It was boiling hot, I felt like I was gonna melt! Then you know my hair was in front of my face and I got too close to the fan.

Andrade: Uh huh...right.

Bayley: Why do you keep a history of my injuries anyway?

Andrade: _I_ don't keep track of anything regarding your injuries. However Zelina does.

Bayley: Why would she do that?

Andrade: So she keeps track of your medical bills and throws it in your face whenever you try to help her.

Bayley: That makes sense I guess.

Andrade: Oh wait here's another! May 2005, the power kept going out in you guys house. But instead of calling an electrician to fix the circuits you tried to do it yourself even though Zelina begged you not to and you got electrocuted AND a concussion.

Bayley: The electrocution made me recoil and my head hit a pipe!

Andrade: If you say so. (Trys not to laugh) I'll never forget this one January 2002, a light bulb went out and you broke you're nose. Oh yeah I found the mic.

Bayley: Thank God! Caller you're on the show.

 _Paige: Bloody hell woman I never knew you were so clumsy. I think I'll have to wrap myself in bubble wrap next time we hang out._

Bayley: I doubt we'd be in much danger.

Andrade: I wouldn't risk it I mean her neck is in bad enough shape as it is.

Bayley: Mr. Almas please don't mention that.

Andrade: I'm just saying she has enough problems to deal and the last thing you need to do is add more.

Bayley: Next caller!

 _Angelo Dawkins: (Bring The Swag by J-Frost plays) Say bro you and your fine woman needs kick it with us we got a party going outside and w-(Andrade hangs up)_

Andrade: Yeah how about let's not and say we did you fucking imbecile. Also she's not my woman.

Bayley: Mr. Almas you're no fun! Just look at them out there!

Andrade looks out the window below to see the Street Profits outside hosting a tailgate party in the parking lot. A large crowd is surrounding the two moving their hands in the air in a rhythmic motion as the music continued to play. Angelo Dawkins is cooking on a grill while nodding his head with the beat and Montez Ford is on top of a car doing the Running Man. The doors of the car are wide open to allow the music to be heard from the studio.

Andrade: Nothing but the ignorant masses acting like animals. They could learn a thing or two from about class.

Bayley: (under her breath) Yeah because you've been such class act right?

Andrade: Fuck you say?

Bayley: Nothing sir! Next caller!

 _Montez Ford:_ _Yo do yourselves a favor a kick it wit us. The party is jumping and it's only gonna get bigger as the day goes on. So come on man get yo--(Andrade hangs up)_

Andrade: Thanks but no thanks. Pitiful scum.

Bayley: You must not like fun. That party looks amazing and, hey I see José there!

Andrade: Your definition of fun is misguided. I can think of so much more things that you spend your time with than what those idiots are doing.

Bayley: It wouldn't hurt to expand your horizon Mr. Almas it just might be worth your while.

Andrade: Pass I can feel my I.Q. dropping. Caller your on the horn.

 _Velveteen Dream: Come have a private party with the Velveteen Dream and you'll receive the most pleasure experience you've ever had._

Andrade: What the hell! I swear if it's not the idiots wasting my time then it's this guy calling me up with his endless harassment!

Bayley: Look on the bright side. At least it can't get any worse.

Andrade: Maybe you're ri--

Just as he was about to finish his sentence the door of their studio burst and in came Adam Cole, Roderick Strong, Kyle O'Reilly, and Bobby Fish. Before Andrade could react he was hit the _End of Heartache (Lung Blower)_ by Strong. Bayley was too terrified to do anything, then before she knew it Cole and O'Reilly had tied her to the chair she was sitting on and O'Reilly spun the chair. Cole then took the mic proceeded to gloat.

Adam: A-hem! The Undisputed Era has arrived to take over the airwaves! People, people understand you are too stupid realize the greatness in front of you. So let me tell you I am... ADAM COLE BAY BAY!

Bayley: Help! He--(Bobby snatches the mic away from her)

Bobby: Keep your trap shut! This is our studio now!

Roderick: You've been cancelled!

Kyle: Yeah shows over! Hey Adam!

Adam: What's that Kyle?

Kyle: What say we give this place a bit redecorating?

Adam: Sounds good! All in favor?

Roderick, Kyle, and Bobby: Aye!

Adam: All oppose?

Andrade was still unconscious from Roderick and Bayley was too afraid to speak.

Adam: Then from your friends from the Undisputed Era we say, go to hell. Now let's tear this place apart!

Loud thuds and various crashes echo throughout the studio as Adam Cole gives orders and place is getting destroyed. Bobby Fish takes his crutch and hits the radio, effectively cutting them off the air.

Announcer: **Thank you once again tuning in to Big Talk Radio.**


End file.
